Interview With MarySues
by IDrinkLotsaEarlGrey
Summary: Well hello, random fanfic readers! Join Mira and the author on irrelevant, random nonsense about mary-sues with a nonexistent plotline.
1. The Sorrowful

"Hello, and welcome to Interview With a Mary-Sue!" a cheery voice echoes around the studio.

The voice belongs to a certain ginger known as Mira, whom the author decided to use as the talk show host since she wears makeup and perfume in the last season, because the directors suddenly became stupid and ruined Mira's boyish, I-don't-really-care-about-products-like-makeup image.

"Well, tonight we have stolen, uh, _borrowed _a mary-sue from somewhere. And please ignore the "My OC dun steal or ill kick you because im a super awesome ninja lyk shun!" warning that comes with it."

With a loud bang and heaps of smoke and confetti, a figure walked out.

"Good day," she said tentatively, her voice silky and melodious, like that of a harp and flute, even though that isn't genetically possible.

Mira smiled, "Why don't you tell us your name, and more about yourself?"

"My name is Evangelynn Hope Lermint," she started, looking up, revealing beautiful eyes that changed constantly, and concealed endless different emotions.

"I am a certified ninja, I am a black belt in martial arts, but I don't hurt people because I believe in peace. I love baking and reading and cooking, I always score full marks for my tests. I...I...My mother was murdered in a fire, and my dad died in a car crash. I only have my brother left. He is all I have!" a tear, crystal clear, slid down her rosy cheek, and fell to the ground like a diamond.

Mira nodded for her to continue. "I actually have secret hidden powers that allow me to control all the elements, but I haven't found out yet. I will eventually rule the world with justice and peace and hope and love, with my soul-mate."

Mira clapped her hands. "Tell us about your love life."

Evangelynn nervously fiddled with her luxurious, silky brown hair, with different shades mixed in.

All natural, of course.

"Two of my best friends, Ace and Keith both love me, but I love the third one, Shun. He saved me while I was in a dark alley, and we fell hopelessly in love." her expression darkened.

"But Alice keeps getting in the way. I'm too scared to tell Shun that I love him, and he loves Alice, who is a cheat and a liar. And then Dan breaks up with Runo and also starts to like me, and all the girls hate me, which I don't want!"

And at this moment, a very average looking girl, of average height and with short black hair that looked like it had never ever seen a comb in it's life, burst in with a laptop.

BEHOLD, THE AUTHOR.

(A/N: From this point forth, the story will not make any apparent sense.)

"GAH, I HATE MARY-SUES!" she typed, as she prepared to post this piece that you are reading on fanfiction.

GAH, I HATE MARY-SUES!

"DIE STUPID MARY-SUE!" she screamed in a very immature manner, brandishing a wooden ruler which she got out of nowhere.

Evangelynn burst into tears, but like all mary-sues, it is impossible for her to be ugly and her eyes puffy.

The author than turned to the imaginary audience. "We all hate mary-sues. If you don''t, it's because you're a mary-sue and cannot hate."

And that left the audience with one last question.

What happened to Mira?

:::

Okay, so the format and grammar and whatnot hardly made sense, but whatever.

I also don't understand WHY Shun's fangirls all hate Alice TO BITS. It's stupid. Those fangirls are stupid. Someone stop me before I start mentioning usernames.

_Kibora


	2. The Badass

Note: All my mary-sues are made up. 100% made up. I DO NOT OWN MIRA. OR SHUN.

::

"Hello once again, and welcome to-" cue sighs, "-Interview With A Mary-Sue! As you all know, the previous interview was one with a sorrowful girl with a tragic story. Today, we shall meet a badass one! Meet-" Mira was rudely cut off.

A tall girl sauntered in. "Wassup? I'm Kelli Maeve Rocheri. I'm like, totally badass and a total ninja. I always have a horde of guys chasing me and I'm like, "Dudes, I already have a boyfriend." My boyfriend being Shun, like, the best ninja in town, ya'll! I kick serious butt, and I'm like, the most popular gal in school."

Once the again, the author makes a cameo, her hair still not combed, and randomly yells, "WRITING ABOUT YOUR PERFECT STORY MAKES ME SICK!"

And naturally, being a badass mary-sue, Kelli launches into a series of perfect ninja moves to attack the author.

But AUTHOR is a higher level than MARY-SUE so...

Back to Kelli.

"These are Kelli's particulars, since she can't be bothered to fill you in. She's too cool for that."

Name: Kelli Maeve Rocheri

Age: Who cares?

Eyes: Change colour (And this trait is very popular among the sues.)

Body: Perfect

Skills: EVERYTHING POSSIBLE.

Kelli was dressed in black skinny jeans and black leather boots that reached her knees, as well as a black leather jacket. All Gucci, of course, gifts from her %* #%^ # rich boyfriend Shun Kazami.

BUT WAIT! Shun wants to have his say!

"Those Shuns in the story ARE NOT ME."

Kelli growls, "You cheat! You never loved me! ARGH!" and naturally, being perfect, she doesn't cry and ruin her mascara, but instead furiously attacks Shun and storms off.

She's badass, so she doesn't show it, but inside she'd hurting and blah, blah, blah. Because she actually lost her family in a fire and blah. blah, blah, and her badass-ness is only a shell to cover up the little girl inside and whatnot.

And after this break-up, she doesn't trust guys anymore until another resident hot guy from Bakugan like Keith or Ace or something comes along and makes Kelli love again.

Here we have the perfectly cliche, suited for mary-sues story.

Now we shall have the author's opinion once again as follows:

*BLEEP! BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP! BLEEEEEEEEEEEP!*

Mira winced due to strong language used.

(A/N: No strong language was actually used.)

:::

_Rant on overly obsessed fangirls b_y **IDrinkLotsaEarlGrey**

No offence to fangirls.

Most fangirls are like, "Oh, Shun is awesome!"

That's okay.

But if they write tons of ShunxThemselves fics, and say stuff like, "I HATE ALICE, SHE DOESN'T DESERVE SHUNNY-POO!" then they need a trip to the doctors office.

Some people hate Alice 'cause they think Alice is a mary-sue and pathetic and wimpy.

First of all, she is one of the top brawlers and is far from perfect.

Seriously, watch the anime again and then come back and rant.

Back to Shun.

Look, I get he's cute. (A/N: But it's weird Baron is more ripped than he is...)

I ALSO know, however, that he is a CHARACTER, meaning he is non-existent. So there is no point in wishing he'll marry you and spending all your time obsessing over him. BECAUSE HE ISN'T REAL.

Some Alice-haters also like to turn Alice into some whiny, annoying brat in comments and stories, like a certain M-rated author with a ton of mary-sues.

That's... kinda immature. But then again, this is a place for one to express one's "creativity".

Like what I'm doing.

I'm expressing a heck load of crap that people read.

No need to thank me.

On that happy note, I've hit a blank, so the fic ends here.

K, bye.


	3. The Stupid

"My least favourite..." Mira droned, not even bothering to introduce herself, "The just-plain-stupid mary-sue stories. And I'm going to have to read this crappy example and BURN MY EYES THAT DON'T CHANGE COLOUR."

(A/N: This was written as an example. Mistakes are intentional.)

_OK, like, my name is crystal shianda leah, I have like, eyes that chage colour, from like silver to black to blu to red to purpe, to yellow to green and like ALL THE COLOURS. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! I'm like, very pretty and has like, THE perfect bod and everythings. I luve Shun butAlice that STUPIID DUMASS CHEATER LIER WITCH keep trying to get him even though shun luvs only me liek WTF?. And like Keith,aCe and dan and maskerade and lyk anubias like all totes luv me OMG LOL and worked wit Alice to breakeds us apart. lyk, they cant, cuz its like, TRUE LUURRRRRRVE. O / / / O_

_And actualy I has awesum powers witch can controlle all the elements and also becom a fashon desiner and becom liek rich and have clothes liek Armanie adn Guccie and liek all that. And like Alice trys to kill me but shun protects me and alice goes to jail like lol and shun adn I lifed happily ever after but wait alice escaped! O.O _

_I need ten reviws or I own't continue ._

_LIKE LOOOOL, I HATE ALICE. _

And once again, the author pops in with perhaps her only useful advice to writers like these:

"DON'T CONTINUE."

As for the readers, "DON'T REVIEW."

Also, you would notice how writers with mary-sues love to describe in detail how their character looks like. Example, "She wears leather boots with heels that go up to her thighs and a black leather jacket over a purple turtleneck. She wears black skinny jeans from Gucci and her hair is in a coiffure chignon."

Yeah, no one cares. SO GET ON WITH THE STORY.

In real life, if you were a mary-sue, you would either be a social reject or a popular kid.

...I'd say you'd be a social reject.

Also, writers, refrain from using, "OMG", "LOL", "WTH", "WTF", "BTW", "FYI", "TTM" and so on in your stories, it gets kind of annoying.

Note to annoying obsessive authors/fangirls (Except I doubt you'd know if you were one):

No one freaking CARES about your passionate and delicate relationship with Shun, Anubias, Spectra, Lync, Hydron, Masquerade or anyone, or all of the mentioned.

No one cares how many songs Lilianna Marjori Heartzcrystal can sing, or whether or not Hayley Jelzette Alrezzo's Gucci handbag is a fake or a real limited edition.

No one cares how many elements Carrianne Joelle Cheri can control.

No one cares how many colours Iona Fort Une's eyes consist of.

Mary-sue writers, we don't care about the OC based on you who got married to Ace who cheated with Mira and Shun who came along and salvaged your broken heart, oh, no.

JUST GET OUTTA FANFICTION.

Love, IDrinkLotsaEarlGrey.

:::

I hope I didn't anger anyone. Just because you have an OC doesn't mean you suck; just those mary-sues, who are flawless and perfect.

Plus, many people who love/are obsessed with Shun hate Alice, why? They never got together in the anime.

And please note, Alice is ONE year older than Shun, not TWO.

So here ends Interview With MarySues, even though there wasn't much interviewing.

Thanks for reading, reviews are appreciated, but not necessary.

~ Kibora


End file.
